Saturday, May 3, 2014

some jokes for the beginning of May ;)



Via Bill Koller: An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders a shot of Jack Daniels .
After sitting there for a while, he yells to the bartender, 'Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?'
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent.
In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says,
'Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, Given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde girl.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 175-pound blonde woman with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weight lifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
Now, think about it seriously, Cowboy. Do you still wanna tell that blonde joke?'
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head and mutters, 'No ... not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times.




New thief prisoner enters in his cell: “Why you put these bars on the windows?” the thief asks the warder. “Because of security…” answers the wader. “You are insane! Who will try to enter and steal something from the prison???
 

Via Mari Eta: Preparing for a hunt, a father took his son's cigarettes... Until afternoon, he had already shot a dragon, 3 mermaids and 2 trolls...

Plus a new thought from a book of mine: If we don't forget that the common & ordinary could be much more amazing, funnier or fantastic than the incredible dreams, then we won't be able to find out the real fantasy. My A Writer's Adventures.



www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com
 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

Sites for social contacts – waste of time or a new wonder of the world...



There are few words that are well-known everywhere in the world. And I bet the names of the sites for social contacts like facebook, myspace, sodahead, etc are already amongst the first ten of these magical words.
Knowing and liking are two very different things, a lot of people think such sites are nothing else but a waste of time (of the worst kind at that). A friend of mine, for example, thinks that to „friend” someone at facebook or myspace, etc is just a pressing of a little, virtual button. This action couldn’t replace the „real” friendship, as so called „virtual” friends wouldn’t be so concerned about someone’s problems and mishaps and couldn’t help any of their web-pals as any of the real friends (friends with a capital F) would do...
On the other hand, many other users of these famous sites (including me) would oppose that pressing the „friending” button means much more. It doesn’t include just an agreement to let some people in your world of photos, experience, way of life, etc. It also means after that one could find enormous quantity of inspiration, some good advices, even love and lots of the eternal wisdom. The most amazing thing about the virtual friendship is that we could find all these good sides of Internet friending amongst friends all over the world, discovering the vast fields of knowledge about other cultures, customs, way of life, way of thinking, etc. As a reply to all the guys who cannot stand the sight of the social sites, I would like to remind a short scene of the well-made animation Cloudy, With a Chance Of Meatballs. It was at the end of the movie, where the father of the main character had to use his son’s useful thought-reading device to say all the good things about love and appreciation he felt, which he couldn’t utter aloud in the presence of his talented but absent-minded heir. That’s what sites for social contacts could do too, posting some notes with our secret and peculiar, yet good speculations, showing some of the amazing photos we made, updating our status with thoughts that reveal our true selves would be the perfect way to tell anyone our true feelings and reveal our true character... Oftentimes, it’s a much better way to find real friends, so called friends with a capital F, as in real life we usually couldn’t say the things that inspire and trouble us so well as using the benefits of a site for social contacts.
My personal experience proves that every word of the above statements is true. Actually, I started using sites like facebook, sodahead, etc as a way for marketing of my book/s. This was what my publisher suggested, yet soon I discovered such sites were a perfect tool for finding good friends all over the world, the truth behind world news, the funny side behind most of the world events, the great realm of the useful tips and advices many virtual friends could offer, etc. It turned out that the knowledge of some of my vurtual friends surpassed a lot what my so called „real” friends coud let me know. For example, no one of my pals from the real world could explain to me the basic rules for surfing the big sea waves with the elegant surfing boards. Soon after I became a daily user of the famous sites, I realized they could be used as a combination of the best news publications and tv news programs, as at  facebook or myspace one could see the reality behind the well-presented strive for power and money of the „higher” class, or the real cause for many horrible events. That way, sites for social contacts could become irreplaceable when the matter at hand is the best choice in elections, the wise decisions to be made for home repairing, healthcare, fitness, pet raising, etc.
My father (and many other older people too, I guess) claims that the young of today don’t know how to have real fun, staying all day long at their laptops and computers, forgetting the wonders of the real world. BTW, he couldn’t distinguish a stie from an e-mail address, but it’s not an obstacle for him to say at the time of his youth times were totally different (the sun shone brighter, people knew how to have real fun, visitng one another’s places, dancing in the villages’ squares every weekend and holiday, signing the old, country songs that have nothing in common with today’s „crap” texts and melodies, etc). Yet, what people like my father would probably never realize is the wonders that modern world offers are not less wonderful and magnificent than what men and women in the past times could experience. The benefits of sites for social contacts (finding friends, wisdom, good tips, inspiration, true facts behind the news, etc) are just one small part of the present time, indeed. However, they all are good enough to be amongst top ten of the most used words of today.    
                                                            

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com
 
 

Tuesday, April 1, 2014

Happy 1st April, everyone ;)! Some jokes to make you feel better if you've been fooled...

If a young lady can pick up 2 kg of whortleberries for a day in the woods, and a young boy could pick up 3 kg of whortleberries for the same time, then it doesn't mean that if they both go to the forest at the same time they would pick up 5 kg of whortleberries for a day...

A teacher asked a student to name a few animals, starting at 2 and then increasing the number of the species by one: "Lion and..." said the first.
"Lion, tiger and..." said the 2nd.
"Lion, tiger, rabbit and..." said the 3rd.
"Two lions, two tigers and a rabbit..." said the 4th.

 A train was quite crowded and a U.S. Marine walked the entire length of the train looking for a seat,
but the only seat left was taken by a well dressed, middle aged French woman's poodle.
The war-weary Marine asked, "Ma'am may I have that seat"?
The French woman just sniffed and said to no one in particular "Americans are so rude. My little Fifi is using that seat".
The Marine walked the entire train again, but the only seat left was under that dog.
Please Ma'am, may I sit down, I'm very tired?. She snorted, "Not only are you Americans rude you are also arrogant".
This time the Marine didn't say a word, he just picked up the little dog, tossed it out the train window and sat down.
The woman shrieked "Someone must defend my honour! This American should be put in his place!"
An English gentleman sitting nearby spoke up. "Sir, you Americans seem to have a penchant for doing the wrong thing."
“You hold your fork in the wrong hand. You drive your cars on the wrong side of the road. You drink your beer cold.
"And now Sir you seem to have thrown the wrong bitch out the window..

To blame the majority for the sins of a few is as wise as blaming the passengers for the driver's mistakes. my future Origin Of Gods.
www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com
 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/

Monday, March 24, 2014

some jokes for the beginning of spring :)

Wish you a nice spring-time, everyone :)!

via Mari Eta: It's not shameful for a man to cry... It's shameful when his make-up is washed out...


Via Sanjay Shukla: INDIA:HEAVEN ON EARTH:
An American decided to write a book about famous churches around the World.

So he bought a plane ticket and took a trip to China.

On his first day he was inside a church taking photographs when he Noticed a golden telephone mounted on the wall with a sign that read '$10,000 per call'.

The American, being intrigued, asked a priest who was strolling by what The telephone was used for.

The priest replied that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000 you could talk to God.

The American thanked the priest and went along his way.

Next stop was in Japan. There, at a very large cathedral, he saw the Same golden telephone with the same sign under it.

He wondered if this was the same kind of telephone he saw in China and
He asked a nearby nun what its purpose was.

She told him that it was a direct line to heaven and that for $10,000
He Could talk to God.

' O.K., thank you,' said the American.

He then traveled to Pakistan, Srilanka, Russia, Germany and France ...

In every church he saw the same golden telephone with the same '$10,000 Per call' sign under it.
The American, upon leaving Vermont decided to travel to up to India to See if Indians had the same phone.

He arrived in India , and again, in the first church he entered, there
Was the same golden telephone, but this time the sign under it read

'One
Rupee per call.'

The American was surprised so he asked the priest about the sign.
'Father, I've traveled all over World and I've seen this same golden Telephone in many churches. I'm told that it is a direct line to Heaven, But in the US the price was $10,000 per call.

Why is it so cheap here?' The priest smiled and answered, 'You're in India now, Son - it's a Local Call'.This is the only heaven on the Earth. 
KEEP SMILING 
If you are proud to be an Indian pass this on!!!

Via Mari Eta: Never wrap a GMO fish in a newspaper... The GMO bastard fills in the crossword puzzle...


And my usual quote/thought from some of my writings:

(Oftentimes) the best way toward courage is knowledge… from my Lake Mystery.


 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com

Monday, March 17, 2014

Tourist fair!



If there are a few places where many corners of the world meet, then tourist fairs are one of them. Usually, in every country most of the representatives of tourist companies come from the neighbour nations, yet that's not written on stone. There always are some tourist agents from different continents too, and that makes the fairs even more interesting and magnificent.
Of course, these tourist events are totally different in the different countries. They are much more spectacular in the more developed places and respectively humbler in the ex-communist or so called third-world members. Yet, in every country there are some interesting sights and customs to be seen, so every tourist fair has its
merits. Bulgaria, my native country, is no exception and even for me it's always intriguing and exciting to have a look at the annual fair in our capital, Sofia.
Unfortunately, probably because of the world financial crisis, the tourist business is in recession to some extent and this year the fair was not so splendid as it had been in the past. Of course, it doesn’t mean
today it’s not worth having a good look at all the stands, beautiful brochures, good tourist offers, etc.  
Every year one could see a lot of new, incredible views, places, resorts and cities or villages in the many brochures and booklets the companies give for free. Every year any visitor could be a participant in many raffles for free, exotic excursions, or receive a good discount for some of the touristic packages and become a proud owner of some useful and peculiar souvenirs (like cool ball-point pens, luggage handle holders, book marks, etc). A part of the wonderful touristic fair experience is also the opportunity to taste some exotic drinks and meals, some of which are made by the same recepies our ancient predecessors used.
No one should forget touristic fairs are the places where we could even learn and see a lot of new and unseen facts, views and customs of our own countries. Then, I bet everyone could remember and realize what a beauty and great events could be hidden in the lands where we were born. The last touristic fair in Sofia, Bulgaria was no exception and I made some good photos of Bulgarian kukeri masks (of the kind I’d never seen before), or of some famous, ancient sights. I couldn’t also refrain from promissing to some Bulgarian tourist agents to show their magnificent cities, villages and the still more amazing nature around. Many foreign tourists would appreciate their beauty, so if you plan to visit an exotic country like Bulgaria, here are some of the sites and links you should know about:
There are some really good touristic programs many people would like to join. Of course, even if it is a small country, Bulgaria is an ancient one too (more than 1300 years old) and has interesting history, plus many other amazing sights and places to be seen. That’s why I plan to post some other information and photos about them in some of my future posts, so stay tuned :).

 http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
www.allanbard.blogspot.com, www.allanbard.wordpress.com
                              






































Sunday, March 2, 2014

1st March - one of the best feasts/traditions in Bulgaria/Balkan Peninsula.








Happy 1st March, everyone! Wish you all the best luck, happiness and health possible J!
As every time at the beginning of the first month of spring, I couldn’t refrain to share some photos and some explanations about one of the most wonderful feats and customs/traditions at the Balkan Peninsula. At 1st March, people in Bulgaria, Macedonia, Romania, Moldova, even in north Greece give one another small (or not so small) souvenirs (Marchers, or martenitsi - мартеници) made of white and red threads. According to the tradition, then we pin them on our clothes or tie them on our wrists (depends on the type of the Marcher), so that we could be lucky and healthy throughout the year. The red thread symbolizes blood, life, the white thread – purity and happiness and the ancient custom goes that the oldest woman in the family has to tie Marchers on the wrists of the children to protect them against bad luck and to help them to be healthy. Marchers are used to be tied on wedding bouquets and on the herbs that are picked on 24th June (the day of John The Baptizer), or on the vessel in which the first milk on 6th May is milked (the day of George The Dragon Slayer). Then, to fulfill the purpose of the Marchers, they have to be hanged and tied on a tree that gives fruit when the first stork (or in some parts the first migratory bird) comes in spring, or when the first blossom appears on such a tree. Marchers could be put under stone too and could be used to predict the future – if there are ants under that stone after a month, the year will be fruitful and prosperous. Then, the good luck and health will be present throughout the year too.
That’s why one could see Marchers on the clothes or wrists of every man, woman and child on 1st March in Bulgaria. Later, the small red and white souvenirs hanged on the trees at many places after a month, are the same amazing view, as are all the stands on the streets and super-markets full of Marchers at the first days of March.    
The Marchers custom is at least a thousand years old. Though there are many different hypothesizes for its origin, no one is certain which one of them is the true one. According to one of these suppositions, the ancient Bulgarians were the first who used Marchers, after an important, won battle. Then, the sister of an ancient Bulgarian king sent a message to her brother in the form of a “Marcher” – two white threads, one of them dipped in the blood of the dead soldiers…   


http://www.strategicpublishinggroup.com/title/TaleOfTheRockPieces.html, http://allanbard.hit.bg, http://allanbard.hpage.com, http://www.facebook.com/pages/Author-Allan-Bard-Ivan-Stoikov-Fan-Page-Strategic-Book-Group/121092637984053,
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0yw3a5n00FI, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_qUA8Avl7ew, http://pinterest.com/allanbard/
www.allanbard.wordpress.com